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Earl's Story
From deep within the Amazon, comes Earl the Phone Monkey. As a child Earl was shunned by his classmates and teachers because he was so small. But one day Earl's life changed. Irene, the prettiest monkey in school walked past, and Earl gave her a big wave. She ignored him, and Earl realised he would have to try harder if he wanted fulfill his dream of smooching her senseless. So he bit her. Hard on the ankle. Irene screamed. Earl was arrested and shipped off to a small company in Botswana that specialized in taming biting monkeys. Through extensive one-on-one coaching, Swedish massage and the liberal and frequent application electric shocks, they taught Earl the difference between "Nick off, shorty" and "Bite my ankle". Following his cure, Earl found himself out of a job, and a half a world away from his home. He spent his time watching videos and eating pizza. One movie he liked particularly was "Lawn Mower Man", which involves a man being sucked into the power grid and transforming into a new life form that can control every phone on the planet. Earl had a brain wave. He plugged himself into the power socket one more time, but, instead of screaming in agony like he'd done during his time at "Biting Monkey School", he allowed himself to absorb the electricity, and become one with the voltage. Earl was transformed into a smoking, burnt, screaming monkey. Three years later, after his extensive burns had healed, Earl was released from hospital. He now spends his time eating bananas and dreaming of life in the Amazon. And of biting Irene's ankle. |
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